Question of Ethics!

[Sweeteeamee]

Hello to everyone! I am currently a student at a massage school in Oregon, and I am doing a writeup for my ethics class on boundaries. I am hoping that one, or even better, a few of you LMTs would be willing to share with me your "most challenging or interesting ethical dilemma" that you have encountered in your career. What was the situation, and how did you react? Any help would be great! Thank you so much!! :)

[innerpeace]

I have been very fortunate to not have many boundaries pushed when it comes to ethics. There are several close encounters, but I believe that you can thwart problems before they happen if you are aware and a bit intuitive.

I have had several male clients over the years who I can tell are wanting to attempt asking for sexual massage during their sessions. In sensing this, I have usually effectively changed the subject or diverted their attempt, thereby avoiding embarrassment. Talking about spirituality or religion usually does well with this. Then there are some people who genuinely don't know that massage isn't sexual (especially military or people who have traveled overseas), so there is the educational element involved that can be tactfully handled and any situation avoided. The rare few that still have the desire to make a request have usually asked me to massage their groin or something of that nature. I calmly have told them that that is not the nature of the work I do and only once has anyone asked a 2nd time. With that person, I (also) calmly told him that he could continue the massage as a non sexual means of therapy or he could leave and pay in full. He chose to stay and relaxed through the rest of the session...actually enjoying his massage.

I have heard therapists say that they will hurt a client with a technique if they broach the subject of sex or if they become aroused (which can simply be a nervous response). I do not think this is the best way to handle situations. I prefer truth and education. Of course I think regarding issues of a sexual nature, it helps to dress professionally, set up your space professionally and think professionally. It's not much of a story, but hopefully it helps.

[kevinDC]

I have been seeing a massage therapist for regular massages and have become quite friendly, so much to the point that I would like to move to another level and become friends and even ask her on a date. I'd apreciate thoughts of massage therapist on how you would view such a request from a client?

[bluebelle945]

A massage therapist could loose their certification or licensing dating a client, to me it is not worth it. It is common to have emotional transference toward your therapist. If you are really interested stop seeing her for a few months and see if the feeling persist.

[Chryse]

I agree with Bluebelle on that one. I have never encountered a client that I was attracted to, mainly b/c I don't think of clients as "date material."

Personally, I have not had boundary issues. I've only been an MT for a couple of years, but I never get too personal about my life and let them talk about whatever they want--after all, it's *their* time, not mine.

I had two difficult situations. My grandma is a real sweet lady, don't want anyone to think otherwise, but she's a bit of a gossip and when I first started my biz, she wanted to know who my clients were and whether or not they liked my work. To her, it was harmless gossip, but to me, it would have been a breach of confidentiality. I finally had to be very firm and say, "Grandma, if I give you information like that, for one thing, I could lose my license and for another, it's just not nice for me to talk about people like that." When I told her three times that I couldn't break confidentiality, she finally got it. You just have to be firm.

The other was a woman with Tourette's. Mind you, I'm not saying anything bad about people with Tourette's. It's just a very difficult situation. I'm sure you're learning to look for changes in facial expression as an indicator that you might be using too much pressure. Well, she had severe facial tics. A few minutes into the massage, realizing how bad her Tourette's was, I explained to her very clearly that I wanted her to communicate very clearly to me if she was having any discomfort or pain from my work. I didn't tell her why. I didn't want her to feel bad or embarrassed. It seemed to work, but it was odd to ignore such changes in facial expression since that kind of thing becomes second-nature. I just had to trust she would tell me.

Hope knowing either situation helps you in the future,
Chris

[Paloma]

I have never found myself in this predicament before. There seems to be a really great chemistry between me and my massage therapist. Not that it makes a difference, but I wear clothes in the sessions and I am doing different stretches and then there is some myotherapy that follows. Anyway, just wanted to set the scene a bit. As I said, recently I have noticed that there is good chemistry between us and he asked me to dinner. He didn't ask me during the session, but in a setting outside of his workplace that was neutral for both of us. Even so, I don't know what to do. I realize it may be ethically wrong to date him. At the same time I also know that I don't want to jeopardize my client status with him. He has helped me a lot. What do folks think?

[Chryse]

Personally, I wouldn't waste my time dating my massage therapist. If he was unethical enough to do that, what else might he be unethical enough to do? Where are his boundaries?

[Chryse]

You're kidding, right? I assume you're not a massage therapist, partially since you spelled "therapeutic" and "incorporating" incorrectly and partially b/c that kind of behavior, at least in this state, can get you locked up for prostitution, not to mention getting your licensing revoked. Pardon my rudeness, but only a total moron would do that. Those aren't the kinds of clients I want to attract. I don't want to have to worry about rape. If a release is in order, I say DIY! That's not what I get paid for.

[JohnDeputy]

So Rich you think its alright for a massage therapist to massage your penis . You dont think that will cause any problems You have got to be kidding . Of course you realize that would be against the law also think if that massage therapist was your wife or girlfriend would you want them to be tugging on some guys crank ?

[Chryse]

Rape has to do with power and domination, not with whether or not someone is satisfied.

Personally, if you want to jack somebody off and get paid for it, I see nothing wrong with that. Just don't bother calling it "massage." That makes life harder for the rest of us.

...and I wouldn't give either one of you the chance. You probably both have STDs.

[JohnDeputy]

Rich You still have not answered the question would you want your girlfriend or wife to do more than a professional massage on some guy .

[Chryse]

I will agree to disagree. And I wasn't talking about handjobs so no, I'm not the moron. I just think that calling yourself a massage therapist is dishonest.

Call me fat all you want...just spell my name right. I think someone who calls others names w/o information to back it up is probably compensating for something anyway...

And if you're unwilling to say whether or not you would like it if your wife/gf, husband/bf gave some guy/gal a handjob for $, that probably means you have neither, which means *I'm* not the fat/ugly one. My honey certainly wouldn't like it. You had to get personal...that's fine.

[warrenhillsmt]

Since the moderator is allowing trolls such as RichyRich to post on this forum, how about everyone stop responding to his posts - he doesn't deserve the attention.

Men like you are the real reason I've been afraid to continue with massage therapy classes.

You my friend, are a pig. I've requested adm to ban you. Perhaps you should move on to an adult-oriented site.

You make the posts of a dysfunctional child that has no friends. You certainly don't have any friends here.

[Thisby]

Tracy, don't be afraid to continue with your studies. Trust me, the positive experiences while you're in business will FAR outweigh the negative ones. I have had SO many clients who have come to me complaining about pain that they cannot get rid of because nothing will work, and report to me 1 week after their first massage that they have never felt better in their life and they think that I must be an angel.

On the other other hand I have had about 20 or so males ask me for "extra" services that I did not offer. The way I dealt with this is my own 3-step process, a 3 strikes you're out if you will. First I would play dumb and act like I don't know what they are talking about, saying that I wasn't taught that type of method in massage school. If they persist I would move on to step 2 and tell them that what they are suggesting is considered prostitution and is illegal in the state of (insert your state here..but if you're in Nevada you're SOL haha) and that I do not offer those services. If that does not stop them then step 3 will not fail. Tell them that "this massage is over, get dressed and get out of my room, my full fee is expected," and them leave the room. I've only gotten to 3 once ever, and when he left he gave me my full fee plus a $10 tip.

Rich, what goes on behind closed doors between 2 adults, is not always just between them, espescially in the massage business. The male client who gets a "happy ending" may tell his buddies about his experience possibly in order to refer them. And if I know pigheaded men, they love to talk and joke around about the strip club they went to last night, and I am sure they would not limit their speech when talking about the massage they got with a hand job. If the proper authorities get wind of it, said massge therapist WILL lose their license.

Have you ever heard of sting operations? Police routinely perform them on massage therapists and parlours all the time. The only reason parlours don't get shut down is because they say "Oh we had no knowledge that she was giving sexual massages," fire her, and go along about their business. In fact I think I may have been picked for a sting myself once. A man called me for an appointment shortly after I had gotten my name in the yellow pages. I called the number that was left on my caller ID from that man to confirm his appointment the day of and he answered "Deputy Michaels." He came for his appointment and knowing that I knew he was an officer he did not ask for a special massage.

I may have been wrong...maybe he was just a cop who wanted an honest massage. But if he had come into my office asking for a "happy ending" and I had said yes, then a split second later I may have been in handcuffs, my license would have been revoked and I would have been shut down PERMANENTLY. So if you think I'm stupid for taking $40 for a non-sexual massage instead of double that for a sexual one, then I am happily stupid. I would much rather be doing my trade for $40 an hour until retirement then to take $80 an hour and risk getting busted and never be able to do massage in this country again.

And besides the only privates I will EVER touch are my fiance's.

[Cindi Hobbs]

I have been a massage therapist for over 2 yrs and am the owner of a small clinic in Bentonville Arkansas. I am one of very few therapists who do hotel/house calls in this area. It has been very profitable for me as well as interesting.
One client at a hotel told me he would give me an extra fifty if he did not have to be covered with a sheet. (he was nude ) My reply to him was.."If you are uncomfortable being covered with a sheet, I would be happy to get a towel out of the bathroom but you do need to be covered. " He declined and I continued with his massage....Next time he came to town, he booked another appt..